his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
