My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
