I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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