You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
