Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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