So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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