Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
