ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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