dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
