I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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