she smelled like a LAN party
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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