question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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