I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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