1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
