When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
