You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
