Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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