He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize