ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
