I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
