I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
