I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
