; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
