your parents love me but you hate me
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
