you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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