I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
