You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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