I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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