guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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