he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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