haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
