As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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