News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
