All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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