We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
