So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
