Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
