I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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