I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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