Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
