Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
