He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
