This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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