I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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