he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
