Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
