why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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