just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
