very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
