you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
