atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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