im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
