i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
