She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
