no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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