btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
