I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
