plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The beers last night were like the tears from god
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
