i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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