I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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