it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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