Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
