I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
