I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
