i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
