It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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