I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
