Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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