I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
