It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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